Prank Calls
by eyesofevergreen
Summary: Companion peice to my story "Vampire Girl" What do the Cullen boys do when everyone is out hunting and they get bored. They prank call the unsuspecting members of the Volturi. Who said Aro was the only one they called?
1. When You Stare at a Phone

**A/N: Okay, so I already have the first two written. Oh! and I am not stephanie meyer, and therefore do not own Twilight. The idea of prank calls was also invented way before i was born.

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**Edward's Point of View:**

I was bored, and lonely. The love of my life had left to live with her mom when Charlie found me in her room. Every day since then, I had been moping around in my room, listening to music, when I wasn't calling or texting Bella.

"Edward, come down here!" Emmett's loud voice broke my thoughts.

I ran down stairs to find Emmett and Jasper staring pointedly at a phone. "Edward," Jasper began, "everyone is out hunting, and your wallowing in self pitty is driving me mad. So, to get your mind off of Bella, we are going to be doing some prank calls."

"Prank calls?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Ya! I'm bored." Emmett said in response.

"We'll put it on speaker so that we can all hear it. For now, the only people that we can prank call are members of the Volturi." Jasper explained.

About ten minutes of convincing later, the three of us were sitting, staring pointedly at the phone, deciding we should do the first call together, than take turns with the rest.

"Here goes nothing," I said as I began to dial.


	2. So, When's the Surgery

**A/N: okay, yes this was in "Vampire Girl," but it was really the kick off that got this story started... so i thought it deserved to be in here.****

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**In Volterra (Aro's point of view):**

The phone rang and I lazily got up to answer it. "Hello, Aro Volturi speaking."

"_Hi Aro, I was just wondering, how long until you go into surgery?"_

"What surgery?"

"_The sex change surgery you scheduled a week ago."_

"I scheduled no such thing!"

"_Yes you did. We distinctly remember that you wanted it so that you and Caius could finally be mates."_

"I said no such thing. I am straight!"

"_Of coarse you are, that's why you wanted the surgery."_

"I didn't want to have a sex change surgery!" I yelled the last part into the phone and threw it against the wall. I watched with satisfaction as it smashed into a million pieces. I recognized thoughs voices from some where. I thought for a moment before kneeling on the floor, shaking my fists in the air shouting "I will get you, sons of Carlisle! Curse you Cullens!"

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**So, there is the prank call. About the end. i can just see Aro doing that whole down on knees defeated angry fist shaking thing, so I made him do it **


	3. Poor Squirrel

**A/N: well, i liked writing Aro's prank call for "Vampire Girl" so much, i decided to do some more.

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Jane POV:

I was lazily brushing my short, brown hair, when my cell phone started to wring.

"Hello."

"_Hello, is this Jane?"_

"Yes, who is this?"

"_This is the office were you signed up for anger management."_

"I didn't sign up for anger management!"

"_Yes you did, you signed up for our vampire course."_

"I did no such thing!"

"_Now listen, Jane, we both know you need this. I want you to take a deep breathe, and let it all out."_

"I signed up for nothing, and I need nothing, you retard!"

"_Yes, you did. Jane, you said you needed this and that you didn't like your sick, twisted gift of causing others pain."_

"Now listen here, you son of a bitch, **I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT!!**"

"_Jane, dear, you're in denial."_

"**I'M NOT IN DENIAL!!"**

With that, I screamed and threw my cell phone against the wall. I needed to cause something else pain. The closest living thing was a squirrel outside. I looked at it, and rejoiced in pleasure as I saw it writhe on the ground in pain. Wow, maybe I do need anger management. Wait a minute, I recognized that voice. It was the emotional one from Carlisle's coven. I screamed again, and looked at the squirrel that was writhing in pain before me. In a burst of anger, I ripped its head off.


	4. The Squashing of the Rabbit

**Yay! my longest chapter yet (for this story.) i know that they are short, but their only phone calls.

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Wal-Mart in Volterra, Felix POV

Okay, so I lost my control and ate one of our human secretaries, so what. We were planning on eating that one anyway. Of course Marcus doesn't see it that way. It was a sign of my weakness, and to help me master my control, I had to get a job at the local wal-mart. I was stocking the bike helmets on isle… whatever, when my employee cell phone rang.

"Hello, this is Felix from Wal-Mart, what can I do for you?"

"_Well, I was riding my bike when my girlfriend walked up to me. She started yelling at me and said 'you're ugly and I never want to see your ugly face again. We're over!'… Do you think I'm ugly?"_

"No, sir" don't lose control; don't lose control I repeated to myself like a mantra.

"_Well, she ruined my bike. I want a baby blue bike."_

"It just so happens that we have one blue bike left."

"_I NEVER SAID I WANTED A BLUE BIKE!!"_

"But you just did."

"_NO I DIDN'T!! You know what? You're just as hopeless as my girlfriend. We are so over!"_

**-Click-**

That was it! I threw the cell phone against the wall and screamed. I walked out of the store, shouting profanities the whole way. Wait a minute, I recognized that voice. It was the big, muscular vegetarian freak in Carlisle's family. I screamed again as I walked down the streets of Volterra. A rabbit made the mistake of hopping by my foot and I stepped on it in anger. I closed my eyes in satisfaction as it squished beneath my shoe. Curse those gold eyed freaks!

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**A/N: ha, ha, this is my favorite chapter so far because some of my freinds actually did this once. It was longer, but i couldn't remember exactly what she said, so that is what i did remember. It was so funny, and the Wal-Mart person actually beleived her and was sympathetic. Oh, and she transferred herself to 5 different Wal-Mart people.**


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